The best year ever (so far)............

OK, kids, here we go again. I know many of you are used to me being a mean spirited, cynical bastard, but this is a different kind of rant. As some of you know, and many probably do not, I have spent most of the last twenty years battling a nasty addiction to heroin and cocaine, with occasional bouts of crystal meth. I started using when I was thirteen years old, and since then the longest I have gone without doing any kind of hard drugs is just over three years. I am currently a little over a year into this period of sobriety, and so far, things could not be better. I have a great group of friends, I live in a beautiful place where I don't know anybody that gets high or sells dope, and I have a wonderful partner who helps me keep things in perspective, even when I'm being a complete and total asshole, which, let's face it, is a good deal of the time. In the past year, I have traveled quite a bit, met some great people, and ditched nearly every person I knew. I felt that unless I quit talking to all the people I knew who had access to dope, or that I used to get high with, I would never make it out alive. And I very nearly didn't. I was living with people who were only there because I had the money to get high when I wanted to, and sometimes got violent when I refused to pay for their fix. I was taking advantage of friends and family. I sold my car to get high. Well, I sold it because the transmission was kaput, but I used the money to buy heroin. But then, last fall, I had the chance to escape, and i took it. I have not looked back. Life today is very different for me. I am as sober as I've been in years, aside from the occasional drink and/or doobie, I have a decent job with a good company, and I am absolutely head over heels in love with the greatest guy on the planet. I never expected to be in love again. Honestly, I did not expect to be alive to write this. I fully expected to have overdosed and died long before now. Thankfully, my friends saw how far down I had gone and grabbed me by the hair and dragged me back up.I have to say, that with all the good things that have happened this year, the biggest surprise was that I was still able to care for another person as much as I do.  I am amazed, every day, at how much I love Bill. I am constantly surprised at how much he loves me, even knowing everything he does about me and my past. It has helped me heal an enormous hole in my life to know that I can be loved unconditionally. And believe me, I make it difficult. I am still paranoid. I am still unable to admit when I'm wrong, until it's too late and I've already acted like the stubborn ass that I can be at times. I still have a hard time believing that anyone could actually love me, and not expect anything in return. But every day, it gets better and better. I no longer have the daily cravings to get high. I no longer look over my shoulder every time I go outside to make sure there isn't a cop there. My house is clean, and does not smell like vinegar from all the dope being melted down. I no longer wake up to people I don't know nodded out on my couch. I don't have to lock my bedroom door at night. We all, addict or not have a few basic things in common. We all want a home. We all want to be secure financially. We all want the love and acceptance of our families (which I still only have about halfway). We all search for love, and evidence that we ARE worth keeping. Anyway, maybe I can sleep now. I know this isn't my usual rave, but maybe something will piss me off later, and I can add something a little less touchy feely and a little more of what you good people have come to expect of me. So, for now, this mushy shit is all I have for you - just a little hint of what I'm grateful for.

Peace, love and hand grenades,
Groverat