the little joneses

OK, so i don't really know why I'm writing this down, except that it always makes me feel better, so I hope that's the case today....I'm sitting here in my office, drinking my trademark dirty vodka martinis, and for some reason, I'm just down as hell today. I've been working too much, I'm stressed about money, and I've got so much more going out than coming in that it's just fucking silly. Add to that the fact that I only know a few people here, and spend all my time either at work or trying to get some sleep, and you pretty much have me in a nutshell at the moment. I'm lonely, I miss my friends and my city, and I've been thinking a lot about dope for some reason. I have, on the upside, recently met a very cool guy that I'm interested in, and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual - so that's a plus, I guess. I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing up here. Life is going well - better than I thought it would, actually, but I feel like I should be doing more, getting farther than I am. Maybe I'm just being impatient, and maybe I'm just drunk, but I really expected more from myself than has happened so far....I don't know, I just can't seem to get out of this place in my head - and it's a scary place for me to be, as some of you know. I tend to fuck up the most when I feel this way, and God, I don't want to go there again, but it's like a fucking tar pit, pulling me farther and farther down the more I struggle against it. Alright, well, I guess that's enough depression to go around for one day, and I gotta go make another drink, so I'll try to post more later. Oh yeah, and by the way - you suck, and I rock!

Groverat