The strange new frontier........

So, I find myself in this weird new world of coherence and memory, and I'm not sure what to do with it all....
For the first time I can remember since I was about seventeen, I could pass a drug test, right now, on the spot. I have this strange and wonderful fascination with sleep that I can't seem to break - maybe it's because I haven't slept a full night in, oh, eighteen years or so, but I'm not sure. I have discovered that I still have the same roiling, seething hatred of the idiots and morons that seem to prevail in this country's public offices, schools, entertainment industries and the general public, but I'm not so quick to throw lit cigarettes at them these days. I'm not sure what's up with that - I still ridicule them mercilessly, publicly challenge them to better themselves and the society of greedy, self centered asses they have spawned and point out their failures in harsh and brutal ways, don't get me wrong, but I seem more inclined to change things myself. Fuck it - if I can survive the heroin and cocaine fueled train wreck that has been my life for most of the last twenty years, I can damn sure lower my carbon footprint and try to be a better human. I still think about getting high, more than I thought I would at this point, but hey, who doesn't, right? I never claimed to know fuck-all about being sober. I never really tried this hard, and quite frankly, I didn't expect to live to the end of last year, so I pretty much get to start this whole fucking journey again, right? No? Well, fuck off. I can, and I am. I've moved up here to the middle of nowhere to work with some of the best people I've ever met, and even though they're kind of square, I love them anyway. They have seen me pretty close to my worst, and still speak to me every day, which I can only say about a literal handful of people. I think there are about nine of them. Maybe ten. And in just a few weeks, we'll all be headed south to start a new adventure together. As a team. They say the south will rise again, but I'm not sure it will ever recover from us - we've got a good shot at making this crazy little scheme work. I still struggle sometimes to stay positive about it all, but what's the worst that could happen? OK, don't answer that. I've fucked up a lot of things to get to this point, and you know what? It was still all worth it - if you never fuck anything up, you never learn anything. I don't claim to be the Dalai Lama or anything, but I think I've got shit pretty much figured out as far as today goes - tomorrow can just fucking wait. The bad shit that might happen later is just speculation at this point, and I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. Probably before I get halfway across it, if I know me - and if I don't know anything else, I know myself. I've never hidden my failures, or been ashamed of my addictions, or my many, many major fuckups - people have problems, and I am, for lack of a better word, a person. Life sometimes fucks with you just to make sure you're paying attention. I know who I am and what I've done, and I've honestly never been prouder of myself than I am today. Yeah, I know my blogs are usually about something that has pissed me off, or some random shit that I found too repugnant to keep to myself, but what can I say - everyone has a good day once in a while, even if it's a total accident. As for my chances at this whole sobriety thing, well, I'll just say this - I don't have to live like that anymore. Not today, and probably not tomorrow, either.

Peace, love and hand grenades,
Groverat